Monday, August 22, 2011

Sweet Dreams

Tonight as I was tucking in D, my almost six year old, he looked up at me and said, "mommy, I miss you when you're not with me."  After some snuggling and discussion I reminded him that the trip to China would take two weeks and asked if he still wanted us to go.  He said, "Yes, I really want a little sister, but I'll miss you." 

If he had said, "no, please don't go," my heart would have broken.  He is such a sweet, dear child.  I can't imagine not being his mommy.  I can't imagine all that I would be missing out on if I hadn't had children. 

And then there's W, my almost three year old.  I'm dreading leaving him because I know he'll have a tough time with it.  He is so very, very attached to me.  It will be so hard to leave him knowing how sad it's going to make him because he won't understand why we're leaving for so long. 

I'm looking forward to the trip for the adventure of it, but leaving them will be such a struggle.  I don't know how I'm going to board that plane when the time comes.  I will be leaving half of my heart behind. 

Sweet dreams little ones.

Sunday, August 14, 2011


So the new list came out at the end of July and I was exhausted so we didn't wait up for the call (the list comes out late at night).  I was so surprised, and groggy, when the agency called to let us know we had a match!  I was so excited!  ...then I woke up...  I honestly didn't know if it was real or just a dream... When we got up in the morning I checked my email immediately and discovered the agency had emailed that the list had been very short and they were unable to lock a match for us.  It was just a dream.  Big sigh. 

So we are back to waiting again.  Next list should be out at the end of August...  I am anxious about getting matched, but also trying to remember to be patient. 

Hopefully we'll have news in the next few weeks...